All Over Bar the Shouting

In praise of boring politics

“It’s all over bar the shouting,” my auntie said resignedly. It was only Boxing Day. Did we have to think about Christmas being over already? It had gone on so long - at least three weeks - that I could barely remember life without it. Just a grey normality. I did not like the idea of normality being normal.

Well, now that’s true of the General Election, here in Britain at any rate. Time to get back to…..normal. Actually, I quite like that idea. Normality is underrated. Some things are really very much better if you aren’t thinking about them all the time. I’ve come to realise that running the country is very much one of those things. People just quietly, boringly getting on with their jobs. No more fuss about which flag flies over the Home Office, the PM at the lectern in the rain without a brolly, bunking off early from the D-Day commemoration, legislating that unsafe is safe just so you can send people to Rwanda. No more scandals, affairs, removing the whip from MPs who were talking common sense, Jacob Rees-Mogg lounging on the green benches of the Commons Chamber, no more manufactured rage about things that didn’t matter nearly as much as the ones that nobody was talking about, like the collapse of the National Health Service before our eyes.

What was the worst thing about living through the last 14 years in the UK? The racism worn as a badge of honour, the corruption, the partying through a pandemic, the sheer incompetence of our elected representatives? All that built up gradually until it seemed completely normal, the way you’d expect politicians to behave. Meanwhile, people just got on with it. They didn’t stop to think about having to spend ages on the phone early in the morning to get a GP appointment in three weeks’ time. Or having to join the PTA at their kids’ school and organise a tombola to pay for pencils and luxuries like heating. We moaned about it to each other, of course, because that’s what the English do. “Hanging on in quiet desperation is the only way,” as Pink Floyd said on “Dark Side of the Moon.”. It gets to the point where you actually price in things like the 6 month wait for a driving test.

And then, all of a sudden, it stops. At least for a few days. I’m sure the shouting will start up again soon enough. But for the moment, we actually seem to have grown-ups running the country. People who realise the job is difficult and are prepared to do it anyway, not out of entitlement or to funnel lucrative contracts to their cronies. It’s a very strange feeling, the idea that you might not have to duck and weave and do everything yourself, that someone in charge might have your back, that we could get to the point where we actually expect the police to show up after burglaries, and kids getting enough to eat even in school holidays. We might even get to the point where nobody mentions the Second World War for a couple of days.

I haven’t adjusted yet to how weird this actually feels. How much of the last 14 years have been lived in survival mode, swinging madly between total cynicism and disengagement, and overwhelming rage. Yes, there will be a honeymoon period, and by the end of next week we will all be complaining that nothing ever gets done, but for the moment, what a huge relief it all is. And here is the strangest thing, at least for me. I don’t even care all that much what party is in charge. I’m just relieved that at last they seem to be doing their job.

That might seem like a low bar to clear, but right now it’s a dream come true for most of us.